You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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