i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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