Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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