please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
