I can text with my tongue
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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