I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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