My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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