i think i have herpe
just one?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
