youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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