They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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