i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
