What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
