Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
