Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That accounts for only three of the penises
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
