Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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