i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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