can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
