I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
