I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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