im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
