Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
