Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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