There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
