I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
