Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
