Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
