she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
