He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
