member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
