i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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