bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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