My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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