I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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