Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
