I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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