Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it hurts more in the daytime
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
