its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think my fart just growled at me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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