Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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