omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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