take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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