Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
