The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
