I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
