we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
