once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
