me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
