is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
