I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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