So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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