i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Your dad touched me again.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
