My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
