Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
