I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
